The hardest part about getting a divorce is people care about you.
People care about you for different reasons.
Some people care out of curiosity.
Some people mourn for you.
Some people worry.
Some people pray.
But the hardest part is that they care at all. Because then you wonder what they’re thinking.
What are they thinking?
Many choose to share with you what they are thinking, and it’s not always pretty. In fact, it’s usually not what you want to hear. People are confused. They aren’t sure whether to congratulate you or say, “I’m sorry.” They don’t mean to be nosy, but they want to know WHY you’re getting divorced. Some people hide it behind truly good intentions, “I’m here if you need to talk.”
But regardless, the reason a marriage fails is usually a private one, and by the time you’ve decided on divorce, it’s been hashed out anyway. The reason is over. I just went through it; can we please not talk about it anymore?
The second hardest part
The second hardest part of getting a divorce is not living up to the standards of your childhood. Or rather, the standards of your family. In childhood and through adolescence, through the eyes of our families, we build an idea of who we are and who we want to be. But at some point, things stop being black and white. After a divorce, everything looks gray.
And you can’t make everyone happy. And that’s okay.
I’m finally at a place where I can be happy with myself. Even though I’m not perfect. Even though others may want different things for me than I want for myself.
The beauty of being an adult is that I get to choose. I get to choose how I live my life. I get to choose a good attitude every day. I get to choose to eat the foods I want and do the activities I find interesting.
And when I’m sad, it’s the kind and compassionate people in my life that remind me life is worth living. And for that, I’m blessed.
I’ve learned that you can’t make everyone happy. But your mom will still love you. And that’s the truth.