Is this every decade?
I’m not sure yet, because I’m only in my first adult decade: My Twenties.
And man, is it flying by.
To those who are already out of The Twenties Decade, tell me about your thirties! Your forties! Your fifties! And beyond. Talk to me, and tell me what those decades are like, because my Twenties is careening to a close, and the closer it gets to being over, the more I feel like time is just trickling through my fingers.
I’m hoping my Thirties are a decade of feeling more settled and grounded.
The “running out of time” decade
Throughout my twenties, I’ve felt the presence of some invisible force saying “hurry up, hurry up.” Why? I wonder.
Hurry up and get married.
Hurry up and figure out your career.
Hurry up and make money.
Hurry up and be successful.
Hurry up and buy a house and stop throwing away money on rent.
Hurry up and figure out your sh*t so you don’t bring all sorts of baggage into a relationship.
And the big one: hurry up and have kids, because you’re not getting any younger!!
It’s enough to drive anyone crazy. But please, someone tell me it’s not just me? Is this something that other 20-somethings also feel?
Just last year, I watched something like six different late-twenties couples start dating and get engaged within 6 months, and I’m just over here like “Woahhhhhh buddy. What’s the rush?” But I think the rush is probably the same I’m feeling. If you’re reaching 30 and you wanted to have a family yesterday, and if you meet someone that’s compatible (enough) ((since no one is perfect, and no relationship is either)), do you just go for it???
I think being married and divorced has made me somewhat more cynical about it. I don’t really believe there is one perfect person for anyone, like I did when I was 17. And I don’t think that marriage is all romance either. That said, I don’t want a marriage without romance. No siree! But how much time do you take before getting serious and talking about long-term commitment and a family? It’s no secret I want a family and kids. But I’m not like…dying to jump into anything either.
In fact, the older I’ve gotten, the less insecure I’ve become about being on my own. The longer it’s been, the more comfortable I’ve gotten with living on my own and the more confidence I have about myself. In a really beautiful turn of events, this chapter of being unmarried has made me feel that I have more offer in a long term relationship going forward.
Observations
#1 – I’ve wished so many times for re-dos and second chances. But also been paralyzed for fear of making the wrong choice going forward.
#2 – I need more sleep. Like actually need to go to bed earlier or I don’t feel well, versus I used to be able to stay up until 4am and wake up at 9am and be fine after a cup of coffee.
#3 – I can’t drink more than two alcoholic drinks without my stomach hurting when I eat the next day.
#4 – I do feel older. I used to argue with late-twenties about they shouldn’t call themselves old, but now I understand why they felt that way. I don’t think I’m “old” by any means. But I do understand how by 27, you begin to actually feel/experience time. Before 26, time felt so much more abundant. Endless.
#5 – Even though I feel like my twenties have been this push of “hurry up,” the latter part of my twenties has manifested a desire to slow down. To savor every moment as an opportunity to be smarter and make better decisions. I want to stop being so impulsive.
#6 – I want a family both more and less than I did before. Let me explain. See, not being in a serious relationship has significantly culled the baby fever I felt when my hormones raged in my early twenties. But my desire for my own family has grown stronger and more fierce; I’ve become more frustrated than ever that I don’t have that yet, and yet, at the same time, I feel more patient and confident that it will happen when I’m ready. I haven’t been ready yet, and it hasn’t happened. The most pressing thing about age is really the “bounce-back,” The younger I am, the easier it will be, generally speaking, to have a baby and bounce back. And the more energy I know I’ll have, in general. Still hoping I meet that special guy sooner rather than later.
As much as I want to be a parent, sometimes I’m very thankful the Lord has chosen not to introduce me to them yet. There have been several moments throughout my twenties, where I wouldn’t want my children to meet me yet either! Haha. Every year, I’ve learned about myself and strategically worked through my own personal baggage and my own parents’ marital dysfunction. For the first time ever, I feel like I’ve waded out of the mistakes my parents made on my behalf. Ha. And only this past year did I find a path out of the dysfunctional romantic relationships in which I had entangled myself.
This blog has been a little rambling, since I only worked on it right before bed the last few nights, when I was fairly tired and sleepy-minded. So forgive the somewhat disorganized structure.
Anyway, time to wrap up.
~Courtney
